Garbvark

A breed of Aardvark or anteater commonly foind in northeastern ontario:

The Garbvark is easily the most unfortunate animal to labour about this earth. Bumbling and careless, it rambles throughout the halls of the jungle, getting its oversized hindquarters stuck between trees. Adding to its embarrassment, it does too suffer the indignity of being unable to catch footballs, or to compete at any level against beavers. This northern anteater bruises easily because he is soft, and after any major competition, can often be seen with a black eye. Lastly, Garbvarks must live with their all but useless snouts. Northern anteaters have very small mouths, but more skin around the mouth in the form of humungous lips. Surely the most unfortunate and awkward, member of the animal kingdom, the Garbvark is truly a sorry creature.