Genital Meglomalisima

Painful inflammation of the sexual organs due to infection introduced by the bite of a common tick. Symptoms include yellowish-green curd-like discharge from the sweat glands of the genital region, crippling pain, and general embarassment due to the infected patient's tendency to walk bow-legged during the entire six weeks the bacteria is present in the victim's system. Caucasian males in uniform are particularly susceptible to the disease.

The treatment cycle involves thrice-daily injections of hooch (i.e., fermented juice from sourdough bread starter). Treatment cycle is reduced by immediate dose of 1 tsp of black pepper, followed by 1 tsp of cayenne pepper within 12 hours of initial tick bite.

This feels like someone smashed your balls up against a rock with a rusty sledgehammer, so don't get bit.