goofy handed
Masterbating with the opposite hand, e.g. a right handed person masterbating with their left hand.
Jimi does it goofy handed so he can control the mouse while looking at porn.
goofy hand phantom style
When you sit on your nondominant hand until it is numb. Once numb, use it to masterbate. It will feel like a handjob.
She wouldn't give me a handjob, so I had to do a goofy hand phantom style on myself