happy hat

A condom

Yes, this is in fact a hat that when worn, will guarantee eternal happiness. It works psychologically, neurochemically, sexually, nutritionally, and through various other crucial mechanisms that typically help those (especially those who believe in the BKfitvalueslifestyle-branded @bossyhole) happiness. As long as you believe it is one, any type of hat can be considered a happy hat, so you don't need to buy one. After all, money doesn't give you happiness. Happy hats do.

To stick ones hands up anothers bum hole, spread it out, and put it over your head thus resembling a hat