Haribo Sugarfree Gummy Bears
The best-tasting super-laxative on the fucking planet. Will efficiently evacuate any fecal matter you have had in your bowels for the past five years. WARNING: MUST BE TAKEN IN SMALL DOSES. An overdose has been known to leave a 250-pound manly-man crying on the bathroom floor. Be careful.
Constipated Man: Hey, I'm plugged up. Can I get some Haribo Sugarfree Gummy Bears?
His Buddy: Yeah, here's a bag. Don't forget to only have a few.
Constipated Man: (Proceeds to eat entire 8-ounce bag)
TWO HOURS LATER
Constipated Man: (Laying on the floor crying) OMFG SATAN OPENED A PORTAL TO HELL IN MY ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His Buddy: Yeah, here's a bag. Don't forget to only have a few.
Constipated Man: (Proceeds to eat entire 8-ounce bag)
TWO HOURS LATER
Constipated Man: (Laying on the floor crying) OMFG SATAN OPENED A PORTAL TO HELL IN MY ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!