HASBO

A Half-Arsed Sofa Bash-Off. Commonly believed to be the most depressing of all self-pleasuring, the HASBO requires the use of a sofa or settee (and in some circles, possibly a chaise-longue) and generally occurs having woken up in the early afternoon, with minimal possible effort and with no upper-arm movement.

Other common features include a hangover, not having washed for several days, being unemployed, bachelorship and a deep-rooted apathy towards social norms.