hillbilly bidet
when you drop a turd into the toilet and the splash-back hits your ass and genital regions. Not as hygienic as a standard bidet. May have been the motivating force in the invention of the real bidet. The higher the toilet seat is above the toilet water, the better chance you are using a hillbilly bidet and not a toilet.
Aw man, that's not a toilet, that's a hillbilly bidet.
Hillbilly Bidet
Sometimes when you take a crap at home, you realize one of two things; 1: there is no toilet paper to be found and no one to get it for you or 2: your crap was so disgusting that toilet paper will be no match for it at all. A "Hillbilly Bidet" is when you forsake the use of toilet paper altogether, get up off the toilet and proceed straight to the shower to clean yourself off.
Dude, I got such ridiculous food poisoning that I didn't even attempt to wipe...just went straight to the shower for a hillbilly bidet.