hot lettuce

An exquisite sex act requiring a bagged salad from a local market, a woman's accessible anal cavity, and deep, meaningful desire. First, a man (any man) closes his fist around a portion of the salad. He then lovingly inserts his fist into the woman's anus for a duration of their joint consent. When the couple is sufficiently aroused, the man releases the salad before removing his hand from the woman's anus. With the salad inside, the two enjoy a standard round of anal sex. The man must ejaculate onto the salad, as a dressing. Finally, the act is completed upon receipt of the "hot lettuce" by the man's mouth, eating the sumptuous morsel from her pooping cavity.

Lettuce that has been in contact with other hot food, resulting in an elevated temperature of the leafy green topping. Common substances responsible for heat transfer include cheese, mayonnaise, buffalo sauce, and toasted sesame seed buns. The lettuce may also be cooked by broiling, roasting, frying, steamed, or flambéd. A controversial gastronomic phenomenon, hot lettuce has been known to divide families. Proponents laud it as a delicacy while others find it unfit for consumption. Real talk: it's mainly something white people like.

The way your genitals feel when you have to pull your underwear up quickly in the middle of a hot, wet sex session to avoid being caught.

Genitals after sex. Hot, moist, sweaty, limp.

The feeling you get when your extremely hungover. Hot sweats, chills, nausea, the shits, and the whole shebang. You feel soggy like hot, wet lettuce. I mean, can you really feel worse than that?

When you find something random (preferably food) really attractive.