HR

Human Resources. A non-value added component of many large companies. Human resources is a worthless division in a company that often has power beyond its members' level of intelligence. Human resources generally spends most of its time justifying its existence.

Soul-sucking bastards that work for the company and not, I repeat, NOT, for the employee. Seriously. HR does not give a flying fuck about you. They are always right. If you oppose them, they will find dirty, back-stabbing ways to crush you. They take responsibility for nothing and control everything. They are Satan.

Free-for-all hiring based on favoritism and nepotism. These "professionals" work FOR the company or organization and not for the employee, but technically, the org is comprised of managers that are sub-humans, so the title became "Human Resources".

Traits of HR personnel are: laziness, low-confidence, authoritarian, anti-social, and weak-willed.

Many venturing into the profession quickly abandon their career as they have a higher morality than the bottom-feeders who choose to suck their soul away into the dingy abyss known as "Corporate". Look in to their eyes and notice the emptiness and lack of personality.

Official definition: Slag who hates people and him/herself and wants to control others.

Still, no one really knows what else they do in-between interviews and "think-tank" sessions - yeah, okay...you mean coffee(booze)-breaks and surfing Ebay for resued self-help books, craft supplies and spanx.

Cult-like group of relatively low-skilled workers in the companies, predominantly female, who blindly follow and advocate corporate slogans, missions, goals, and other meaningless protocols.

HR- Human Resource

That awkward kid in school that tried to be popular but failed; and, in their quest to understand their rejection they picked a profession where they can fret over it - trying desperately to figure out the formula for popularity.

Desperate for the recognition, they intellectualise intangible human qualities into nonsensical pseudo science jargon like – efficient performance indicator and other equally pointless team bonding exercise.

Sadly, just like when they were kids, a little bit of feign interest will get them doing a lot nasty shit. Convinced they have finally made it, they go off like giggling school girls and do shit that no one wants to do or care very much for.

Commonly found within a large government department human resource division are the elderly human resource consultant specialist managers, otherwise refered to as Human Remains (HR).

Hand Release, hand relief...also known as Hand Job