Immense pain

If you get bitten by a bullet ant while eating the hottest spice on earth and having your girlfriend break up with you bc you are now inflated.

When you feel that you want to die and dont want to die at the same time. Your brain is full of saddness and pain because you feel like nothing matters and that your problems are you fault. Your brain feels an undescribable internal conflict because it just hurts living, but at the same time, your too sentimental about those around you and you dont want to lose them by dying. It hurts and theres no way to get help. You can't decide if you want to just end it or suffer by just breathing. It certainly would be easier just dying but you would miss those around you...