Internet Disorder

In·ter·net dis·or·der,
n.

Any psychological disorder whose root pathological cause lies in exposure to certain aspects of the Internet. These include, but are not limited to:

·Google Amnesia;

·Hyperlink ADD (HADD);

·Forum Schizophrenia; and

·Internet Fuckwad Syndrome (IFS).

Treatment of such disorders may ultimately require the removal of the patient from the Internet - the main vector of Internet Pathogens.

Internet Bipolar Disorder, or IBD, is when someone is all chill on the internet, and then something such as a thumbs down on a YouTube video, a loss on an online game, or criticism on a forum makes them go crazy. Symptoms of IBD include a sudden barrage of insults, sudden self-hate or saying they are leaving.

Internet Deficit Disorder (IDD) is a new phenomenon whereby all Lebanese citizens exhibit strange behaviors when the internet starts acting up. Symptoms include fear of rain (a common factor in connections cutting off) and repeatedly pressing buttons for no reason due to refreshing web pages so often.

The possessing and using of excessive email addresses.

The possessing and use of more than three E-mail addresses by one individual.

Internet Troll Personality Disorder (ITPD) is characterized by a persistent pattern of obstructing of on-topic discussion in online forums and comment threads. People afflicted with ITPD may purposefully present themselves as being inappropriately sexually provocative or racist. Often times they disingenuously express strong emotions with an impressionistic style, pretend to throw arbitrary tantrums, and never hesitate to contribute absurd, non-sequitur remarks at any perceived opportunity.

The etiology of ITPD is still being researched, but scholars agree that afflicted individuals usually enjoy some type of unfulfilling (and unsupervised) employment situation where they have access to computers with internet connections.