Intfernal

adjective( Internal + Infernal)
The state/feeling of demise wherein every odds are stacked against you, tagged with ironies and cliches, and as if the world is mocking you.

Everything seems wrong and you hate celebrations and happy events. You become paranoid and overthink that every small happenings occured to spite you further, yet you try to act normal to avoid further prejudice from others.

You seek help but you realize than only you will pull yourself up. You want to blame life, fate, God, or other entities but the closest you can do is blame yourself reluctantly, making you burn inside.

You both want/ don't want to die because you desperately seek solitude; dying is equal to giving up though-- that's for pussies and that's what makes the flame infernal.