intrusion shield
What every single dude needs to wear when he goes out on the town at night. It comes in two models- stainless steel buns and plasma offender repulsion. Stainless steel lets people know you're well defended (and leaves your enemy with marks and bad dreams), while plasma offender repulsion lets you make sure the offender will never offend again.
After slipping on a package of cottage cheese, Steve was saved from mass absolute bangage by his stainless steel buns intrusion shield.