Jailhouse Vagina
Take a rubber glove, squirt some oil or grease into it. Wrap your pillow around it, and tie it together with a belt. Now go ahead and fuck the everliving shit out of it. This is the only form of sexual gratification that many non-gay inmates get.
Yo man, I was all set to go out on that date with Mandy Moore, untill she found that jailhouse vagina in the backseat of my car and dumped me.