Jesse Knapp

Pretty much the awesomest and most feared bro ever. He has been living for what many historians equate to,"Fucking forever" and has been the cause for some of mankind's greatest catastrophes, namely, the Rape of Nanking, 8 of the Crusades (he's not a fan of the Arabs), and the early 21st century release of "From Justin to Kelly". He is currently only spoken of in closed corridors at night by those deemed worthy and even they are forced to secrecy. That noise you heard last night when you woke up next to your girlfriend? He just impregnated her and evaporated. Seriously.