36th base

The end all be all of bases. First you round up every great conqueror in history: Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Genghis Khan, etc etc Then you proceed to challenge them all to a deathmatch. But the thing is you're Jack Bauer. So instead you torture them for information on the next terrorist attack in Los Angeles and then proceed to rape them in the bunghole. Afterwhich you deficate/vomit/ejaculate/all 3 at once on each of their chests. Next you roll them all around in the gooey mess and again ask them what they know about the terrorist attack. When they fess up, you all do the mexican hat dance and circlejerk into a big sombrero. Just for kicks, you make all the historical figures drink whats in that sombrero. When its all said and done you send them back to their own time but not after making them admit that they are your little bitch. Jack Bauer never lets the terrorists win.

space docking with yourself (even if male) and then having a leprechaun munch on your genitalia whilst symultaneously poking ice-lollies in every orifice.