Johns Hopkins

A university that tries to be the best at everything, including grade deflation.

My favorite pick-up line

A veritable torture chamber, which uses work, a grading scale, and a city to beat the living crap out of you.

Johns Hopkins is an elite East Coast University that is summed up by three words: competition, ambition, and dedication. Students here display all of these qualities, for the most part. There are lots of “elite” private school people, but there’s also a lot of public school grads. People are usually studying or doing research 24/7 but there are decent parties every now and then if you roll with the right crew. Frat parties are pretty lame unless you are a brother or a groupie ho. Off campus parties are usually the best, although late at night people sometimes complain that they wish they had gone to state school, because it is easier to get good grades there, not to mention the better looking people who are more willing to hook up with you. Most people don’t get into long-term relationships. There is a profound lack of hot girls here. “Hopkins goggles” refers to people getting used to the ugly people at Hopkins, and eventually finding somewhat unattractive people attractive after being disconnected from the real world for long periods of time. Fortunately this effect wears off quickly if visit places like NYC or LA. However, you can still have a good time at Hopkins and get some decent hookups if you make good use of your time here. Engineers make fun of “Arts and Crafts” people due their supposed lack of hard work. Our lacrosse team rocks! We won the national championship in 2005! Lacrosse games are one of the few places/times where people show school spirit.

Baltimore is a city that has a bad rep, but it is actually a decent place. Rent is cheap, there are lots of bars and clubs to go to, and Towson Town Center is an awesome mall. Just be sure to protect yourself by locking your doors 24/7 and not going into bad areas late at night.

JHU students are very diverse in background. Most of them are slightly nerdy but pretty cool. Everyone here makes good friends, and many make lifelong friends here.

Most people want to go to med school, but you can do pretty much anything you want if you spend your 4 years here wisely.

Last but not least, JHU is a very difficult school. Everyone here works very hard and sacrifices, to some extent, an easier life to come here. But hey, it’s all worth it in the long run right? :)

-jhu alumni ‘05

A distinguished and academically-driven university located in Baltimore. One of the hardest universities to get into as an undergraduate, and people who are rejected from the Ivies usually end up here; ranked in the top 13 in the country, typically. Also has the best lacrosse team in the nation, which has remained at #1 consistently throughout the years.

Johns Hopkins is like unprotected sex; happy you got in, upset that you came.

The way dumb people say the name of Johns Hopkins