Justin Oliver

A small creature native to Philadelphia that has been relocated to the Midwest. He is best known for his lack of fingers, which been his claim to fame. This disability has lead a significant number of downfalls in his life. (Other amputation include speculation that he is indeed, a eunuch. Recent evidence seams to indicate it's accuracy)

He has been know to spill 35.9978% of the time he uses a cup without a cover. Many attribute this to his lack of digits, those who know better understand that it is due to ineptitude.

His greatest flaw is his steadfast objection to hygiene and self improvement. He has worn the same haircut for 1.5 decades. Also the same underwear for an equal duration.

He also claims fan-hood to several sports franchises within the NFL and MLB, leading to speculation that he may indeed be a communist.

His greatest triumph in life is his short lived football/rugby dominance orchestrated by his mentor, Micah, to whom he owes everything good in his life.

He is well known for his falsified marriage to singer, Selena Gomez, the relationship has been widely published and he is currently under heavy pressure to publicly apologize to Gomez for defamation of character.