Kampfwagen

THE best german armored military vehicle in all of human history.

Kampfwagen 1.0 is a vehicle used before and during the second world war. The appearance of the vehicle looks just like the Volkswagen Beetle. This vehicle would be used by Hitler when driving into battle. During the battles Hitler would lean back in his seat in slow motion and swing his arms around while screaming german profanities, avoiding all bullets shot at him. This tactic would prove useful when Hitler conquered most of Europe in a record-breaking time. This tactic was the most important part of the invasion of France. The Anglo-French army could not strike Hitler with any of their bullets, no matter how much they shot at him. The defenders then got so frustrated that they would often die of heart attacks or just kill themselves. This tactic would then go on to becoming the cause for 99% of all allied deaths during the second world war. Although later in the war, the allies would find an effective way to deal with this problem. All they would do is to give every soldier 1 liter of heroin, which would calm them down and they would just move right past Hitler. This strategy made Hitler furious, and he would reportedly storm out of his car and scream at the soldiers to try and shoot him but to no avail. Hitler would in fact get so mad, that he would rip his hair out until he became bald and fall on the ground, similar to how Walter White fell in the episode "Ozymandius".

Kampfwagen 2.0 is a motorized vehicle used by the infamous Otto Von Vinterhjelm. This vehicle was stolen from the game "My Summer Car" and hence why it is not in the sequel, "My Winter Car". The wagen is said to have been reinforced with kevlar paint and the special gunnhildur armor mix which consists of two parts deep-fried steel, one part plastic, four parts makrell I tomat, and 7 parts diamond. This armor is qualified as the best military and nonmilitary armor ever created. The vehicle is also equipped with two 3-tonne turrets, these turrets are made out of Fabio mix which is 2 parts rainbow juice, one part Brazilian snow, and 3 parts pure radioactive oil. The wagen uses a mix called Tommas Jus used as fuel. This jus is very efficient; just 1 liter is enough fuel to travel 200 miles. This fuel mixture is very expensive, consisting of 100 one-dollar bills, heroin, Pepsi, mentos, piss, beer, anti-bac, and snickers. the Pepsi and mentos are used to create an explosive chemical reaction, the anti-bac is used to make the fuel burnable and the rest are there because Tommas wanted to put them in and because Tommas likes Snickers and beer and he uses the 100 one dollar bills to buy them, but all these ingredients are still essential for the mixture to work.