Lippman Scale

A logarithmic scale used to express the amount of anti-humor produced by a remark or quip uttered by an individual with the intention of producing genuine humor. Similar to the richter scale, the scale ranges from 0 to 9 with each increase of 1 representing a ten-fold increase in anti-humor. A 0 on the lippman scale signifies a state of humor equilibrium in which nothing has been said which can be deemed offensively unhumorous and harmful to the souls and psyches of those within earshot. A 5 typically results in temporary paralysis followed by seizures, suicidal tendencies and diarrhea. Although nothing above a 7 has ever been reported, experts speculate that a 9 on the Lippman scale results in the return of Christ to earth at which point he will utter the words "Fuck this" and the earth will implode into a giant supernova of anti-humor.