A-Thor

When someone rapes you in the ass and the cum stings.

When you catch your girlfriend cheating on you so you taze her in the vagina.

A strong willed, trustworthy man who learns to come to terms with his troubled past and adapt to his role as a leader. He pretends to not care about the welfare of others while secretly doing his best to not let anyone down. He maintains that all he wants is to be left alone, meanwhile striving to gain recognition. He is a loner of sorts but will never turn anyone away if they are in need of him.

Thor is a member of the Aesir, the tribe of Gods worshipped by the medieval Scandinavian pagans, and some modern nutters. Thor is the defender of the Gods, and the strongest of all of them. In the myths he is mostly fighting giants; Hrungnir and Geirrod were his most famous opponents. He is described as red-haired and bearded. In the Norse myths, his character is strong, loyal and honest. He is often quick to anger, but also quick to regain his temper. However, he is not renowned for his brains, and so has to rely on brawn. One of the myths tells how this does not work for him, when he visits Utgard-Loki the giant and is tricked again and again.

Thor's main weapon is the hammer Mjolnir. This was made for him by the dwarfs Brokk and Eitri. He also has iron gloves and a girdle that doubles his strength. He drives a chariot pulled by two goats and it is the rumble of the chariot wheels in the mountains that was said to be the cause of thunder. Lightning was believed to be the sparks from Thor's hammer, or from the piece of whetstone stuck in his head after his duel with the giant Hrungnir. Once Thor's hammer was stolen by a giant, and held at ransom for the price of Freyja as the giant's wife. To get his hammer back, Thor had to dress as a woman and pretend to be Freyja.

Thor's father is Odin and his mother is the Earth. He is married to Sif, a Goddess of the harvest with golden hair, and has a daughter with her called Thrud. Once, a dwarf called Alvis wanted to marry Thrud, so Thor kept him talking all night until the sun came up and turned Alvis to stone. He also has a giantess mistress, called Jarnsaxa, and with her he has two sons, Magni and Modi, who will survive Ragnarok and become part of the new order of Gods. At Ragnarok, Thor will fight the Midgard Serpent, Jormagund. As he kills it, it will bite him, and Thor will die from the poison in Jormagund's fangs.

Thor was the patron God of freemen, whereas Odin was the patron God of noblemen and also the God of poetry. This meant that Odin was far more widely written about in the medieval poems, but that Thor was far more widely worshipped. This can be seen in the number of Norse names that include Thor. A few examples are Thorgeir (Thor-spear), Thorolf (Thor-wolf), Thorbrand (Thor-sword) and Thorbjorn (Thor-bear). I know of no examples of humans named after Odin. Some historians think that Thor actually replaced Odin as the 'top God' in the later stages of Norse paganism.

Overall, Thor is strong and formidable to his enemies, but also an endearing character because of his good nature and because he is so slow on the uptake.

Norse god of Thunder. Can drink anyone under the table. Not a deity to fuck with.

The working man's God; very popular in ancient times and is still worshiped today by many Heathens and Pagans. Whereas Odin rewards intellect, Thor rewards hard work. He is often pictured as a mighty viking with a red-beard. His father is Odin and his wife's name is Sif.

Thor sends lighting, thunder and life-giving rain. He has always been a strong protector of His folk and gives gifts freely to his friends. He has a liking for farms, fields, forests, mountains and rivers. Thor has a hearty and often times bawdy sense of humor. He likes drinking, feasting, storytelling, and good company.

His favorite weapon is His mighty hammer, Mjolnir. It strikes lighting and roars with thunder when it is used and always returns to Hid hand. In both ancient times and modern times alike those who worship Him wear a Thor's Hammer about their necks as a sign of their dedication.

We even have a day of the week named in Thor's honor, Thursday.

Nordic god of thunder. He's always drinking mead. Carries a hammer that only he can lift. I mean not even the Hulk can lift his hammer.

He was one of the main characters in Dougas Adams novel, The Long Dark Tea Time Of The Soul.

His one flaw is that he is a bit homophobic and always wears an asgard when he is around Greeks... especially Hercules.