Matchyou Peachyou
A Peruvian friendship/romance service dat guarantees dat you will find a "sweet-tasting-fuzzy-skinned-fruit-with-a-ridged-pit"-level partner.
I'm told dat Matchyou Peachyou has been in existence for well over 500 years, so hopefully by now they know a thing or two about their local ladies, and thus they would be very good about determining how to find a perfect blinky-eyed cuddle-companion for just about any dude.