Matterboat

An individual like none other. Often found matterbating, a Matterboat claims to be incredibly bad-ass yet spends his free time hiding and giggling in corners while brushing his teeth. Matterboat's tend to have a way with the ladies, yet frequently find the girls of their dreams just out of reach.

Matterboat's also have the following characteristics: make weird noises, play air guitar in bed, are friends with everyone, and wiggle their knees.

An individual like none other. Often found matterbating, Matterboats are proven to be incredibly bad-ass. They're literally Ironmen. This is in no way diminished by their propensity to giggle in corners while brushing their teeth.

Matterboats tend to have a way with the ladies, leading to a track record of finding and marrying the girls of their dreams and living long and happy lives.

Matterboats are highly regarded by their peers. Others enjoy Matterboats' matterbation and are generally highly impressed by Matterboats' tendencies for high levels of success in nearly every aspect of life. Former roommates, travel buddies, and laser tag teammates especially admire Matterboats and deeply value their friendship.