mattsturbate
Manual sexual gratification inflicted by your own hand while thinking of or watching someone with the name Matt.
Thinking about Matthew McConaughey playing his bongos naked made me so horny that I had to go into the bathroom and mattsturbate.
Mattsturbate
A wank so loud you can hear from downstairs. This chorus of pleasure is sung by a tiny willy searching for a wild woman to tame it.
"God... whats that racket coming from upstairs?"
"Don't worry, my housemate is just having a mattsturbate!"
"Don't worry, my housemate is just having a mattsturbate!"