memory crank

Verb. A traditional form of masturbation, dating back to ancient times, where one channels his or her memory of a previously successful and pleasurable sexual encounter. Due to the rampant increase in availability of pornography via magazines, movies and the worldwide web, the number of recorded memory cranks per year has dropped by over 86%, although it still flourishes in many third-world countries and the southern United States where access to said improvements in pornographic materials currently remains limited.