Miami Hurricanes

A group of thugs who fight the University of Florida International, using a helmet as a weapon.

Official supplier to state prisons.

Official supplier to state prisons.

1. The "mascot" of a supposed college football program located in Coral Gables, FL, that actually is a semi-pro team since the alumni pay for their athletes and hence, their national championships.
2. What low class, poor, ghetto dwelling thugs think the University of Miami is actually called because:
a) They don't realize it's actually a school of higher learning and not a pro team
b) They have never been to the campus (or any campus for that matter)
c) They couldn't find Coral Gables, FL on a map
d) They could never afford to take a class at the school anyway.
3. The college football program that is most envious of the years of dominance that the Florida State University football program enjoyed during the late 80's and throughout the 90's, setting several NCAA records and winning two national championships while stringing together an unprecedented 14 straight top 5 finishes and bowl appearances.
4. The college football program located in Coral Gables, FL that will spend 2-3 years atop the polls, then runs out of money to pay players, and sinks to the level of an also-ran team that loses annually to West Virginia and Virginia Tech until they can save enough money up to pay for more pro caliber players. In addition, at least once per decade, they will be placed on NCAA probation.

Football team in the NCAA residing in Coral Gables, Florida. You can expect at least 10 NCAA infractions per year, and the possibility of a player arrest on any given night. Won 5 National championships, because alumni paid the players. Now a days, you can expect a possible run in the Top 25 rankings, lasting a year or two, until the alumni runs out of cash to pay incoming freshmen. Also, out of all the Canes in the NFL, do not be surprised If at any given time you get a breaking news report on ESPN, lots of them were involved in scandals.

The best college football team. In 2001 they were one of the best teams of all time. They have 5 national championships (as many as all the other colleges in FL combined) and they have been to 10 national championships. They have more first-round drafts into the NFL than any other college team. They will kick any other teams ass if they get the chance. Their mascot is an ibis named Sebastian. They are located in Miami, Florida and now play in the Dolphin Stadium after the orange bowl was deconstructed. They are part of the ACC (Atlantic Coastal Conference) The current head coach is Randy Shannon, a former Defensive Coordinator and a former player.

A college football team in Coral Gables, FL who completely changed the face of modern college football. From 1980 - Present, the Miami Hurricanes have had by far the highest winning percentage in all of football and have had by far the most national championships at 5. As an Independent team, Miami would only schedule the toughest opponents year in and year out, beating teams like Florida, FSU, Notre Dame, Michigan, and Oklahoma. Then, they joined the Big East in the 1990s and then the ACC in 2004. Unlike Florida, Miami has had many undefeated seasons. In 1986, after Miami annihilated Florida 37-4, Florida canceled the annual rivalry with UM citing that they want to play a more "national schedule." They lied. They scheduled Montana State in place of Miami the following year and have never scheduled a team west of the Mississippi River in their history with the exception of Montana State. So, the "national schedule" was a way of saying that they were tired of getting beaten by the Hurricanes every year. Florida tried to get Florida State off their schedule later but the state of Florida enforced that they needed an annual rivalry. Regardless, Miami played Florida 5 times in the 2000s beating them 4 out of the 5 times including in a Peach Bowl appearance. Notre Dame used to schedule Miami in the 70s as a soft part of their schedule, but Lou Holtz canceled the rivalry after Miami consistently beat Notre Dame nearly every time in the 1980s. Miami handed Notre Dame it's biggest defeat in school history. Miami has a winning record against all of the other schools in Florida. They are 31-23 against Florida State, 28-25 against Florida, 1-0 against USF, 1-0 against UCF, 2-0 against FIU, and 7-0 against FAMU. Miami matches the amount of national championships of all the schools in Florida combined with 5.

Miami consistently has one of the highest GPAs for their football team in the nation. In 2008, they were 5th in GPA in the nation following only Navy, Air Force, Brigham Young, and Boston College. Miami has been the biggest force on college football for the past 30 years and defined swagger and team pride. Their annual rivalry with Florida State is consistently a ratings bonanza, breaking records with the highest ratings every year.

The more hated rival for Miami and Florida State is the Gators, whose fans are envious, supercilious, and trash-talking rednecks from a little town no one has ever heard of. They tend to be bitter because Gainesville has nothing but a Walmart and an Arby's. There's no character, nothing to do, and no one interesting to meet. Gators tend to be uneducated and bigoted slack-jawed yokels. Miami also has destroyed nearly every SEC team they've played. The only exceptions were in 2005 and 2008. Miami defined the mantra, "Any team, any place, any time" while the Florida Gators cower away from real opponents. This year's Gators schedule features powerhouses such as Troy, FIU, and Charleson Southern. It is unheard of to schedule 3 cupcake games in a season. Miami, on the other hand, started with no cupcakes. Their schedule is one of the hardest in the nation every year. This year, they started against 4 ranked teams in a row. Teams that used to play Miami are now scared to schedule them.

Miami is certainly a team that causes myriad jealousy around the league. No other team has been able to accomplish what Miami has accomplished and that is why during off years, fans and players of other teams like to insult Miami. Every team has off years and fluctuates, but Miami has only been an average team from 1997-1998 and then from 2006-2008. Other than that, from 1980- Present, Miami has been an unstoppable powerhouse in college football that every team fears playing. They are not afraid to play anybody. That's what separates a great program like Miami with programs like Notre Dame and Florida. They are willing to play anybody and have shown that they can beat anybody. From 1980-2005, when players around the league were asked who on their schedule are they most concerned about, the answer would always come back: "Miami."