Milbrodt
Milbrodt was an ancient king who ruled with his iron dick. He told his peasants that they would die in an epic fire if they didn't worship his mighty iron cock. One day he was struck by lightning and was teleported to 2021 where he had to live in an unfamiliar world. He soon conqured that with his might iron penis. The past was his, the future was his, all that remained was outer space. Soon, he crafted a might space ship shaped as his cock, which was EPIC. He sailed around as a space pirate king conquering race after race of small penised aliens. Today he is known as Milbrodt the Iron King of Galactic Space Dick.
I wish I were as epic as that Milbrodt was.