Montague, MI
A small town in Michigan that is 85% white, 10% mexican, and 5% black. There is NOTHING to do in this small town and old people are attracted to the area. There are no juvies (unless you go to whitetrash Rothbury) so you don't have to worry about your car getting stolen. But you WILL have to worry about your car getting pranked upon. The school is complete bullsh*t and they won't let you where holey jeans. It's that dumb.
Retired old man: let's go to Montague, MI! I hear it quiet and lovely and less hooligans!