Mr.Shitolophagus

Like the Sesame Street(TM) character of similar name, Mr.Shitolophagus is brown, very large, and no bastard believes he exists except that one person who has seen it and is so emotionally invested in his existence that he gets upset when others deny it.

Mr.Shitolophagus is an enormous turd, the like of which one often sees on Boxing Day morning, the day after Thanksgiving or following some other major feed.

This is no ordinary turd. This was a bastard to get out and a bastard to flush away. You secretly want others to see it and be impressed by your achievement and the excellent taut musculature with which you so neatly crimped it off.

But alas you can't because the only other people in the house are either elderly relatives or housemates who are already convinced you are a dangerous psycho.

This results in nobody believing your story, as above, resulting in feeling of depression and barely contained rage.