Orphelia

A busty, blonde, motherly creature of wanton desires and loose tongue. Eternally pregnant and sporadically horny, this Midlands beauty is a lover of the colour orange, strained tea, JellyBattle, wicker baskets, whale beaters, Otis Redding, Seamus Heaney, maternity and Scottish accents.

Self-deprecating, feisty, and a good judge of pornography, the world doesn't have enough Orphelia.