Bagel-Hole-Screwer
One who is so lame that the only hole they'll ever get is the one in the center of their morning bagel. They usually eat it afterwards, with butter and a different, homemade cream cheese.
Peter: Quagmire watch the numbers would you? I'm going to heat up a bagel and have sex with it.
Quagmire: The butter's in the fridge, you dirty bagel-hole-screwer!
Quagmire: The butter's in the fridge, you dirty bagel-hole-screwer!