Bagoy
A false bagel, one that has no stake in the historical and cultural history of bagels-proper (a contraction of "bagel" and "goy"/"goyim", the Yiddish word for "Gentile", hence inauthentic or unsatisfying).
Jessy was initially excited by the ready availability of so-called "bagels" in central Kentucky, but was unable to find naught but sour doughnuts, rounded croutons, and other bagoy monstrosities.