Pastry Pirate

Any person who takes great pleasure in one of the following acts to another person's pastry...either by penetrating with fingers or another part of the body, or by throwing at a wall at mach-3 to implode it. This person's malicious intent to defile your precious pastries, and his indulgance for piligining your innocent desires for one bite of your chocolate muffin make this individual a pastry pirate!