Patrick Devitt

The greatest Segment Slayer to have ever lived is Patrick Devitt, crown-bearer of the legendary "Josh Duncan's 'Got Any Change for this Kwarter' segment, among thousands of others in at least 3 US states. When Patrick is not slaying segments, he is busy instigating mental anguish and feelings of inferiority in his Strava rivals. Additionally, one time in college he started dictating a story in his sleep, which was later adapted by his roommate Orson Welles into the screenplay for "Citizen Kane," widely considered the greatest film of all time. No one knows how old Patrick is. Despite the fact that he has never appeared on the show, in 2019 Ken Jennings conceded that Patrick was the best Jeopardy contestant in the show's then-36-year history. Kanye West has also privately claimed that it was in fact Patrick, and not Beyonce, who had the best video of all time. While these and his many other achievements are beyond debate, in 2020 and 2021 Devitt was widely criticized for his condescension toward users posting their walking miles on Strava, as well as for a general lack of wokeness, which spurred the #walkforpatrick and #cancelpatrick movements in northern Illinois.