Bait N' Switch

N. Deceitful social technique used by nubile young twenty-somethings to introduce potential suitors to their friends.

This technique involves an attractive woman hitting on a man. She is the lure, dangling in front of the prey. When the man is significantly invested in the conversation, the woman introduces her friend with the glandular problems and lazy-eye(s). The attractive woman (the bait) disappears and the switch is complete.

One has to sit on a tree branch about 11 1/2 feet high. Any higher is dangerous, and any lower will result in a failure of the deed. Once one pulls their pants down, and is ready for the act one has to proceed to poop. Immediately, without hesitation, one has to fall off the back end of the branch, backflipping, and in turn landing on the ground flat on their back. At which point the poop impacts with one's chest. This form of self-masturbation takes many years of experience and should not be perfomed by an amateur. The branch can be substituted with any form of a bar up in the air.

When at an Asian Massage Parlor (AMP), hoping for a Happy Ending (ie: someone else will Master Bait you!) and they switch Masseusses on you. You start off with "Rub Mi Ping" the 23yr old Chinese gymnist, and once she sees you are "up" for it, sez she'll be right back. In comes Dragon Lady, 45+yrs old, to "upsell" you a Hand Job. Unless you want to walk out with a 2x4 in your pants and a set of Blue Balls glowing in the dark, you give in, soiling the sheets and your soul!
(at least for an hour, then you're horny again!!)

The act of jerking off into an ice-fishing hole while pooping into a beer can.