Piedophile
One who is attracted to small pies, tarts, quiches and crumbles of the sort made by Mr Kipling. Unlike being piesexual, this is highly illegal. Being found in possession of child pienography carries a maximum sentence of three years.
Did you hear about that piedophile they arrested last week? Apparrently they noticed him after he tried buying sixteen boxes of Bramley Apple Pies at once.
Piedophile
Describes a person with uncontrollable pie urges. A person who cannot simply walk past a pie shop. Someone who lets their pie craving rule them.
I can't walk past the baker's without purchasing a lovely, juicy steak pie. I think there is something wrong with me, I fear that I may be a piedophile.