pitchin' in the mirror
Pitchin' in the mirror is when you are so depressed and lonely that the best part of your life is the wonderously pleasurable feeling that you sometimes get when pitchin’ a loaf, so much so that you put a mirror in front of the toilet so that you can witness the look of pleasure on your face and savor these glorious moments of fecal delivery while pretending that your reflection is another person, a compassionate friend.
Bro, ever since I found out how hard it is to become a rock star and my girlfriend got abducted by The Grays, I've been pitchin' in the mirror.