Portage la Prairie

The third-largest city in Manitoba, "Portage la Prairie" is French for "pee stop between Winnipeg and Brandon". The main attractions include the world's largest Coke can in the back of the Canadian Tire parking lot and a gigantic spotlight that's used to blind passing pilots on the roof of the hotel next to the giant Coke can.

Portage is most well-known for the money sink affectionately known as the PCU Centre. Just like in Monty Python's Holy Grail, the city council decided to build the PCU Centre in a swamp on Island Park; it's currently sinking and buckling, which is why the pool keeps leaking and closing down. When there's an event at the PCU Centre it takes approximately six hours to leave the island because the only exit is guarded by a ferocious 4-way stop. This could be solved with a traffic light but city council has to spend everyone's tax dollars paying the loans on the building instead.

Portage also has an event known as the Potato Festival, a celebration of the most boring vegetable known to man. It used to be the Strawberry Festival but that was deemed too fun. This change was likely effected by the people in the "good" part of town seeking an outlet for their rage because they live downwind from a sewage treatment plant on the south side of the TransCanada Highway.

A stinkly little town where a good day smells like burning potatoes from McCains and a bad day smells like the sewage plant and rotting bird shit from the Crescent "Lake" thats more like a mud puddle where people throw their garbage.

A place to check out the "new" PCU Centre that's already falling apart because despite paying $50,000.00 for a professional surveyor to pick the best spots to build, the city picked a spot that didn't even make the top 10 and they build on a sinking bog where there's only one bridge off so plan an extra 2 hours to get home from any event even though you only live 2-5 km away.

A town where peninsulas are called islands and bogs are called lakes.

A good place to go to get robbed and/or beheaded.

A town in southern Manitoba that suicidal, pity-seeking recovering alcoholics with no life who have mistake children with some greasy hookup from a shopping mall move to from northern Manitoba to try to feel better.