pubestrian
A tweenager, adolescent, teen, tween, child, or young person who is incapable of crossing the street promptly and without incident because they are too busy being a loser, nerd, punk, idiot, goth, poser, behaving in a stupid way, immersed in their angst, gawkward-ness or a full blown iPod zombie.
Travis is such a pubestrian he can't cross the street in less than four and a half minutes, nor without making a fool of himself in some way.