publix

The only company that considers going from going "part time" to "full time" a promotion.

A Supermarket. In reality, a place where lazy, greedy, and incompetent management work off the backs of brow-beaten, overworked, and underpaid associates who are just trying to get through college.

While you're out in the hot sun grabbing carts while trying not to be killed by pampered customers driving luxury cars, your many managers will be found in their air-conditioned back offices talking to other managers about their weekend at the country club, dreaming about how much money will be in their bi-annual/quarterly dividend checks, or pondering whether their six-figure income for this year will be larger than the last.

n. (PUH-blicks) An American grocery store chain focused on exemplary customer service and associate ownership. Originally founded in Florida by George Jenkins on the key concept that any act of kindness short of allowing oneself to be anally raped is a model of customer service and is the key to success. Similar to another Florida establishment, Disney World, the customers must always retain their pretentiousness and be falsely immersed in a "fantasy land" where everyone smiles and nobody has ever experienced pain in their lives. Failure to retain the "fantasy land" atmosphere results in immediate termination of the associate's employment, thereby disregarding the toil and effort placed into the company, and forcing said employee to begin anew with time and money wasted on a Ponzi-like stock plan. Publix is responsible for the coddling of the American public, as higher-than-standard expectations are maintained at all times, and the customers are always served beyond expectations. It is grounded in the cornerstone philosophy that the smile of one greedy, witless customer is worth more value than all of the lives of all the associates within the store.

a corrupt hellhole, that seeks to monopolize the grocery industry with higher than average prices, tyrannical managers, spoiling their customers so badly they bitch if they have to bag a single thing and working poor employees to death with outrageous standards, that make them look like scum if they aren't kissing the very ground on which the customer walks and getting plastic surgery to permanently transfix they're faces into a creepy smile that says "KILL ME!!!". but they're not completely evil, they give their slaves a quarter raise every half a year of back breaking labor if they've sold enough of their soul, they give them humiliatingly gay uniforms that have caused a rise in suicides since 1935 and let them go outside (whether it be pouring rain, hot as hell or colder than the abominable snowman's balls) to help asshole customers put their shit in their cars, which they have magically forgotten the location of, so that they can watch the employee like a hawk, to make sure that they don't try to steal anything, and drive off without so much as any consideration to giving that poor soul in the rearview mirror a single cent for they're help. My single prayer each and every night is that I can escape this shithole I foolishly put myself into 4 years ago, if you have a subservient attitude, lack of all emotions except for happiness and no need for a non-existent discount on their overpriced products then this place is your ideal job, you poor bastard.

where you shop when Food Lion or Winn Dixie is too poor looking for you

Where shopping is a pleasure... but working is an utter hell.

A supermarket who's unwavering policy is to spoil and pamper every last customer into thinking they are always right, at the expense of their associates. They claim to go to any lengths to protect their associates, but in reality, will scoff and tell them the customer is always right. They labor under the delusion that their employees live to pay freeway tolls, judging from the 25-cent raises they award their most submissive slaves every six months. I don't recommend working there unless you enjoy having customers complain about your five-o-clock shadow, then having to quickly invent a story about why you didn't shave that morning to tell your manager, after which you will be written up. The managers excel at making others feel miserable. Their most common activity is sitting in their air-conditioned office, counting the store's total profits for the week and watching the entire store on the security cameras, laughing manically the whole time. Meanwhile, you are standing at a cash register listening to some asshole yell about how he couldn't find a product we don't carry, followed by an old lady who insists that the 99-cents-off coupon means the product actually costs 99 cents, followed by a homeless dude who reeks of body odor and gives you a handful of dimes, nickels and pennies to pay for his loaf of bread, leaving you to count out the correct amount while he helps himself to the complementary coffee. Five minutes later, some prick raises an uproar over the fact that there is no coffee left, prompting the managers to award him a free pack of coffee in the hopes that this will inspire him to return. Oh yeah, they don't even give discounts to their employees. Fuck Publix, I sincerely hope they go bankrupt.