RapTap
A pure skank-hole in Stirling, central Scotland where the scum of the earth reside. below is a list of requirements you must adhere to to live here;
women MUST
1 - be incredibly ugly with little or no teeth
2 - be pregnant by the time they are 17, unmarried and unaware who the father could be,
3 - wear Rangers football shirts and gold chains (from Argos)
4 - smoke while pregnant! preferably Regal kingsize
5 - be a heroin addict (preferably whilst pregnant)!
6 - wear 15 sovereigns on their fingers at all times.
7 - shout and swear in the street, even at their own children
8 - wear their slippers to the off licence to buy Buckfast
9 - be on benefits (otherwise you are considered posh)
10 - get a coloured tattoo on their ankle of a dolphin, rose or Winnie the Pooh.
11 - be called Carolann, Chelsea, tammy-Lee, chantelle, chanel, Diane, lee, Kelsey, etc etc
12 - name their child Paris, Jordan, keyliegh, lesley-ann etc etc
13 - decorate their house with the following; sofa from DFS with leather puffy arms, floral wallpaper to clash with the floral carpet to clash with the floral curtains and dado rail - all different types of pattern. the bedroom must be lilac and silver themed with wall paper peeled off one wall.
Men MUST
1 - be the ugliest, scariest looking blokes you've ever seen, also with little or no teeth
2 - have tattoos with some skank's name like "Carolann" or "Lee-ann" across their upper arm indicating "true love"
3 - beat their wives/girlfriends
4 - fight in the street after pub closing time
5 - the minute the sun comes out take their tops off and show their disgustingly scrawny bodies to the world, track marks included.
6 - be heroin addicts
7 - drive their crap cars whilst sitting so far back and low down it appears they have removed the front seat and are in fact driving whilst sitting in the back
8 - must like crap techno music like Bonkers
9 - punch walls when their latest 15 year old girlfriend breaks up with them (probably cause she's on benefits and figures she'll get more money and a better house if she claims to be on her own.
10 - generally be scum
women MUST
1 - be incredibly ugly with little or no teeth
2 - be pregnant by the time they are 17, unmarried and unaware who the father could be,
3 - wear Rangers football shirts and gold chains (from Argos)
4 - smoke while pregnant! preferably Regal kingsize
5 - be a heroin addict (preferably whilst pregnant)!
6 - wear 15 sovereigns on their fingers at all times.
7 - shout and swear in the street, even at their own children
8 - wear their slippers to the off licence to buy Buckfast
9 - be on benefits (otherwise you are considered posh)
10 - get a coloured tattoo on their ankle of a dolphin, rose or Winnie the Pooh.
11 - be called Carolann, Chelsea, tammy-Lee, chantelle, chanel, Diane, lee, Kelsey, etc etc
12 - name their child Paris, Jordan, keyliegh, lesley-ann etc etc
13 - decorate their house with the following; sofa from DFS with leather puffy arms, floral wallpaper to clash with the floral carpet to clash with the floral curtains and dado rail - all different types of pattern. the bedroom must be lilac and silver themed with wall paper peeled off one wall.
Men MUST
1 - be the ugliest, scariest looking blokes you've ever seen, also with little or no teeth
2 - have tattoos with some skank's name like "Carolann" or "Lee-ann" across their upper arm indicating "true love"
3 - beat their wives/girlfriends
4 - fight in the street after pub closing time
5 - the minute the sun comes out take their tops off and show their disgustingly scrawny bodies to the world, track marks included.
6 - be heroin addicts
7 - drive their crap cars whilst sitting so far back and low down it appears they have removed the front seat and are in fact driving whilst sitting in the back
8 - must like crap techno music like Bonkers
9 - punch walls when their latest 15 year old girlfriend breaks up with them (probably cause she's on benefits and figures she'll get more money and a better house if she claims to be on her own.
10 - generally be scum
Chad the American tourist "ah isn't Stirling a beautiful place? The Castle, the history, it's truly delightful, look at those hills!"
Tour guide "not really, just round that corner is The RapTap and it's the biggest shithole known to man".
Tour guide "not really, just round that corner is The RapTap and it's the biggest shithole known to man".