redneck

You would be a redneck if:

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.

You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You mow your lawn and find a car.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.

You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

You take a fishing pole to Sea World.

The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.

The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.
Your Christmas tree is still up in February.

You've ever been arrested for loitering.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

Anyone who hears a Jeff Foxworthy joke and says "damn right!"

only require a shotgun, rifle, and 4 wheel drive

"The glorious absence of sophistication"
-Jeff Foxworthy

Nascar, Mud boggin , Country Music, huntin , dirty ol trucks , ford , robin's donuts..

this may only apply to canadian rednecks;)

Mildly offensive term for a lower class white person from the southeastern states of the USA. Derives from someone who spent a lot of time on manual labour outside and so received a "red neck" from the sun.

Revised Redneck Characteristic List from the 17th definition:

1. Nascar, Huntin, AND muddin are the main sports
2. Some of us can be very good spellers if we choose it
3. We can pronounce words albeit alittle slowly
4. Duct tape on a car CAN be sexy
5. 30-40+year old trucks have wonderful potential(67 Fords& 85 Chevys)
6. We are VERY sarcastic people, you just don't know
7. Old license plates, deer heads on the wall, and guns (not coins) are great to collect
8. "fart" is not a swear word (it means our in-public flatulations)
9. We listen to country, rock, and occasionaly rap
10. Some of us are computer literate, we're called "hi-tech rednecks"
11. Incest is for white trash, and mountain folk
12. We take logic classes, thank you
13. The main favorite colors are plaid and camo
14. Hell yeah we proudly fly our Confederate flags
15. Our houses would be haunted by civil war ghosts if the house was over a battlefield
16. Roaches are only our best friend when they're not bein shot at with our BB guns fer fun practice
17. We do not keep old Pepsi bottles of urine, it's more'n likely old bottles of dip spit
18. We don't go to ebay for old vehicles, we go to junkyards
19. We don't use MSN, it's more like free Yahoo email or a few of us actually have AOL
20. Most rednecks have to be seriously infatuated with a girl to go "head over heels" for her
21. We are always proud to be a redneck because incest is fer them mountian people and white trash

I'm not makin' this up. I am a proud reneck and I know a helluva lot more like me.