Retard Lifeguard
The friend who cockblocks you purposefully in order to make sure losers don't waste your time.
Some girl: "Oh my God, did you see that douche trying to talk to Jill?"
Jill's retard lifeguard: "Yeah, when she went to the bathroom, I told him she was pregnant."
Jill's retard lifeguard: "Yeah, when she went to the bathroom, I told him she was pregnant."