Bay Area Business School

A pyramid scheme to separate well educated liberal arts majors from their trust-fund allowance. The scheme relies on false promises of high ROI, social rank, beer and Rotel on Fridays, a prom night do-over, and a view of the top 2% of the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum, providing insight into the human condition.

The top of pyramid is dominated by prep school spawn with low likeability. They live on a revenue stream from participants, but make most of their money from contracting gigs pitched through their university press “publications.”

The second tier joins two unique groups, a group of smart top-tier candidates that serve as sexual partners, breeders, and ego fluffers to the top tier in hopes of moving up, and a group of sexed-out top tier members that do not have the physical looks sufficient for the promotional material. Known as “Deans,” they are considered outcasts in the top tier circles.

The bottom feeders are IT workers that chew up a staggering 20-30% of the revenue. As master con artists, this bottom group benefits the most via telecommuting arrangements. Unnecessary equipment is bought from friends and placed where a row of cubicles would actually provide a habitat for revenue generators in most schemes. Some speculate the lights on the equipment blink hypnotically and subdue higher tiers. This group garners additional revenue from “work@home” side gigs which fund spiritual retreats on the California coast and bottom-shelf gorged orgies.