Saint Louis

Boston on the Mississippi
The Western-Most Eastern City
The Lou
Red Brick Bitch
Baseball Heaven
Beat Up Bitch with an Attitude

If you have ever been on farty-far, you probably have been to Saint Louis.

If you know what a 'Hoosier' really means, you have probably been to Saint Louis.

If you know that 'Across the River' really means 'Illinois', you have probably been to Saint Louis.

If you know what the 'TWA Dome', 'The Valley', 'Imo's' and 'Riverport' are, you have probably been to Saint Louis.

If you know the word 'Boat' actually means 'Casino', you have probably been to "Saint Louis".

A Drinking Town with a Baseball Problem
Cubs-Cards, Cards-Cubs
Kansas City Who?
Red Brick Mama
Nelly's Town

If you have ever been on farty-far, you probably have been to Saint Louis.

Known as the "Gateway to the West" and known for Cardinal's baseball, Saint Louis, Missouri is so much more than meets the eye. In this mid-sized mid-western city can be found such wonders as an internationally ranked zoo, a beautiful art museum, a modern science center, and a well curated history museum, all available for free entry. It also has a rich history with entire districts dedicated to the cultures that have made it into what it is today, such as The Italian Hill or the Irish Dogtown. Its role in the 1904 World's Fair remains alive to this day through the spacious Forest Park located in Saint Louis's Central West End. Ranked by USA Today as the best urban park in 2016, it is full of beautiful native plants, gorgeous waterways, miles of walking paths, and even playing fields for all to enjoy. Saint Louis is a remarkable city, definitely worth a visit.

Saint Louis, Missouri is the fat capital of the world. It is a city where if you are walking somewhere, you are automatically assumed to be homeless, unless you make it clear to people that you are exercising by wearing a jogging suit, and in that case, you are just an idiot rather than homeless.

One might wonder what has led such a quiet, little city to become a gargantuan eating machine. The answer is that there is absolutely nothing to do in Saint Louis. Probably the biggest attempt and biggest failure to do something creative was build the Arch, and for prospective tourists, the funnest part about seeing the Arch is the grueling 10-hour ride to the top on elevators that move slower than the electric handicapped grocery carts.

Saint Louis is also known for its abundant supply of fastfood, where on every block, one can find at least a McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, Steak and Shake, Jack in the Box, and a Hardees. So, without anything to do except eat, eat, and eat, the prosperous city of Saint Louis has turned into a monstrous hunk of fat.

But aside from being the fattest city known to man, Saint Louis is also home to the biggest low-lives one could ever dream of getting to know. In Saint Louis, a simple nod or a wink at someone could get you shot and killed on the spot. Why would someone kill another for winking at them? Hey, in Saint Louis, anything is possible.

Saint Louis is broken up into 4 major districts. Whoever came up with the names is beyond me, but such creativity will last through the ages. North County, West County, South County, and East Saint Louis are the 4 districts of Saint Louis. There also is Downtown Saint Louis and Saint Louis City, but those are hardly worth of mention since the only thing that manifests in those areas is crime. The breakup of the counties goes as follows:

-North County is inhabited by a bunch of lazy hoosiers and contributes nothing to society.

-West County is a bunch of suburban white folks that sit around and think about how much better they are than the rest of their world while making sure to lock their doors and windows in their BMWs at the sight of a black man.

-South County is a mixture of North and West County.

-East Saint Louis is where one can go for sexual desires at strip clubs and at the same time get mugged by a mean-looking man.

Saint Louis is a large city that the rest of the world could not care less about. Most likely the only recognition it receives is from its sports teams such as The Cardinals, The Blues, and The Rams. Other than that, there is really nothing special about the place with the exception of Ted Drewes, the best frozen custard one can ever get. In fact, if one should ever go to Saint Louis, it should be for the sole reason of tasting the heavenly delight. Just don't eat too much, or you'll become fat like the rest of us here in Saint Louis.

We're a drinking town, with a Baseball Problem! Home of the St.Louis Cardinals, Ted Drewes, Union Station, and the Landing!

the best record in baseball. what now?

A.K.A. Saint Jewish Park- for having so many damn jews in the mofo.

When a man pours gasoline on his arm, lights his arm on fire, then fist-fucks a goat until it dies.