Saucy McFoodlefist

Saucy McFoodlefist, Professional, was a grand old man from Pollokshields, with eyes of pale blue irradiated with dark blue—the loveliest eyes I've seen. In the time before becoming a professional, Saucy McFoodlefist led a wild, vagabond-like life spiced by absinthe and hashish. Saucy McFoodlefist, Professional, Libertine, was never married. His chief reasoning for never binding his destiny to another was that "a beautiful woman without a mind of her own leaves her lover with no resource after he had physically enjoyed her charms."

Later in life, Saucy McFoodlefist again returned to his pre-Professional ways. In Saucy McFoodlefist's view, “deceiving a fool is an exploit worthy of an intelligent man,” and most of his professional life was spent in this fashion.

In the view of the Earl of Rochester, "The only things about which Saucy McFoodlefist, Professional knows nothing are those which he believes himself to be expert: the rules of the dance, the French language, good taste, the way of the world, savoir vivre. It is only his comedies which are not funny, only his philosophical works which lack philosophy—all the rest are filled with it; there is always something weighty, new, piquant, profound. He is a well of knowledge"