beard fever

An epidemic marked by lack of sound judgement and mania when activated in carriers of the illness. Symptoms cause individuals of all genders and sexual persuasions to overlook multiple undesirable qualities in a male partner (lack of fitness, poor hygiene, mundane personality, bad sense of humor, and general unattractiveness), if the man of interest has an impressive beard, which is no small feat.

For the purpose of this definition, an "impressive beard" can be operationalized as possessing silky color, soft texture, fullness, and having no ingrowns.