Scheponiked
To live a life with such shitty luck, that a triple amputee, diabetic Ethiopian would not want to trade places with you. Eventually this situation will lead you to have the excitement level of Eyore, and the pessimism of Piglet, resulting in your weeping quietly to yourself every morning after you've realized you did not die in your sleep.
After sneezing into a girl's face after your allergy medication fails to work you decide to give the gift of a stuffed animal. Then on the way to buy the gift, your car's windshield cracks after you turn on the heat. Once in the parking lot of K-mart, you are hit by a car, driven by a poor person, allowing you no retribution what so ever. You are then left on the ground of the K-mart parking lot, in a puddle of your own urine and tears, Scheponiked without a prayer.