Beau-Aids

A tragic and terrible version of the AIDS virus. It causes you to turn into "Beau", a young man from southern California.

Symptoms include: Making poor decisions (mostly purchasing decisions, though it extends to other areas, such as moral and logic), an unhealthy attraction to black men, a strange urge to purchase a motorcycle, going home earlier than everyone else when you are hanging out with friends, eating two slices of pizza at once; done by putting one on top of the other in a rather gross manner, eating quickly in order to 'save time' despite the fact that you have nothing else to do that day, shrinking penis, and finally the growth of a vagina. Also often includes death, but this is usually self-inflicted; Beau-Aids is not fatal in-and-of itself, but the prospect of turning into Beau is often met with such disgust and fear that the victim takes their own life.

Sadly, there is no cure for Beau-Aids. Scientists and doctors work around the clock to find one, but must be careful as they themselves are afraid of catching the horrific disease.

Unlike traditional aids, Beau-Aids is airborne and is contracted by being within 100 feet of a carrier. The most frightening aspect of the disease is that at first glance a carrier can't be identified. Only after being around a carrier for long periods of time can they be identified, more by their seemingly voluntary habits; by this time, it is too late.

The Surgeon General has recently called Beau-Aids "the single most dangerous medical condition of the modern age".