Shit Dildo

backstory..

me and my gf were layin in bed the other day telling each other our deepest secrets. We were getting into some serious shit when she tells me that she trusts me with a weird ass secret she has. She's never told anyone before..

She says she likes to hold a poop in for 3 or 4 days and let it slide out and suck it back in and she says it feels so good she just naturally does it.

Now i was thinking what you are thinking, great another troll/joke.

Boys... I wish this were a joke.

She said she can prove and it showed me right there. Oddly enough I felt closer to her knowing this shit.

Obviously I was curious to try this shit (no pun intended) after a few weeks I could shitdildo with the best of them.

I show my girlfriend and shes impressed/amused/grossed out.

Fast foward to yesterday. My gf family came down to stay with us cause their house is being renovated. They bring their two shit kids (11 and 13)

I was cleaning up after dinner one night and the kids were running around.

At this point I was holding in a huge shit dildo for later.

one of the asshole kids thought it would be a funny idea to pull my shorts down (wasn't wearing boxers)

Naturally I was scared cause he screamed when he did it so half of a turd fell out of my asshole and my bodies natural reflexes at this point was to suck it back in.

I shit dildoed myself. Her dad was trying not to puke and her mom wont even look at me.

TLDR: I shitdildoed myself in front of my future in laws

A dildo made of human faeces, typically freshly "layed" and preferably a type 3 on the Bristol stool scale, that being its weighty and sturdy, able to be held at one end without breaking.

When someone shits into a condom ties it off and uses the result to fuck with.

When you gather your fecal matter from the toilet bowl and form it into a desirable phallic shape that you then proceed to freeze solid so that you can then fuck your anus or vagina with a totally unique dildo.

Exactly as the name implies, this is a dookie which exits the rectum in the classic phallic shape.

There are very few human experiences which compare to the utter satisfaction of releasing a double-tapered dildo shit; just ask pro baseball player George Brett, or look up 'George Brett' on Youtube to hear his incredible poop tale.

The dildo shit is not to be confused with the cheese plug, which is a different animal entirely.

A dildo somebody shatted on